What does courage mean to you? So many of us as musicians feel it differently. I took courage to audition for the Swingles at 19 and it paid off.
When I was younger I was ok with things being ‘messy’ as I knew I was new at things and couldn’t be expected to know everything right away.
I took courage to tackle an extremely hard contemporary piece of music in Hebrew with time changes that would test an extremely proficient orchestral player! It took me three months, but I did it and got a personal mention in the New York Times, so it paid off!
Courage is natural when we are younger because we don’t know what we don’t know! So we tend to go headlong into things confidently without really thinking. Which is brilliant. And thank god I did, it got me out of the house and doing what I love.
Judgement
Later in life we are less tolerant of ourselves. We judge ourselves if we’re older, feeling like we should know it all by now! But why ?? We can still learn new skills at any age. There is a 62 year old PA who has started an online business helping your PA’s with what she knows and is making a huge success of things.
I believe that courage comes from taking action. Knowing it will be uncomfortable but being willing to try something new. Courage is what happens when we walk out on stage. Courage is what happens when we make a stance, when we say what’s ok for us and not ok for us.
Too many musicians (including me for a long time) Allow others to rule the roost and seem happy to follow, yet moan about it. Courage is when you dig deep inside yourself and ask yourself what you really want. And how you really want to be as a person. Courage is when you evaluate your behaviour and thought process so that you become a richer person with a growing edge.
When you are willing to take courage give yourself permission to be happy, you become a better person, happier, more content, less concerned what people think. People are only concerned with their own lives and the sooner we realise that the sooner we can become our own person who has our own ideals and values and knows who we are.
From this place we have the chance to do real good for others.
Always Learning
We don’t always get it right. I didn’t get it right a few weeks back when confronted with my childhood abuser after some years. I held it together but basically was angry and resentful and allowed it to seep into the conversation although in a hushed tone. The anger was still there and the person it hurt the most – was me. I allowed it to ‘trigger’ me. Almost expected it.
But each time it happens I learn a little bit more about myself and what I want to change in the future. I want there to be no trigger at all for me when I see him or hear his name. Because I honestly believe he is trying his very best to make amends. Albeit super clumsy and inappropriate in every way! The sooner I can heal further to a place of acceptance of what is, the sooner I will not get so hurt and taken over by triggering thoughts that take over. I remember how to notice my thoughts and go back a step into meditation practice. Double sessions or more often throughout the day. It stops the negativity taking over and the beating up on myself I have been so used to over the years.
Take heart
So, take heart and dig deep to take courage. With your family and with all your relationships in your career. If there are issues, it will be because of you. Maybe not caused by you. But the pain you are feeling is inside you from another scenario in the past and once you realise that anything that needs to heal can only be healed by you, whether that’s by detaching emotionally from the person who’s causing you pain, or by holding the space to allow your feelings to come in and go again, it will free you from those toxic thoughts that can feel like you’re being strangled.
Time to take back your mind to create the life you deserve.
I go live each week in my FB group The Enlighened Entrepreneur Musician and would love you to join us if this resonates with how you feel. Join here – we’d love to have you!
